They're Just Like Us 3

Here is Halle Berry carrying a vanilla folder.  They are just like us.  What's in that vanilla folder?  We do not know, elementary school report cards?  Rough draft of an essay she is writing?  Her STD result?  But just - knowing the fact that they too carry vanilla folder and use it as protector for important document is worthy of a blog.

How rude of the man in bathroom choosing to check his grindr and not take in the beautiful sight of Halle Berry carrying a vanilla folder.

Photo Credit: Just Jared

They're Just Like Us 2

Here is the sexy Ed Westwick eating an apple like us commoners.  Who knew?  Ed eats apples.  He can eat an apple everyone, please calm down.  More importantly, does he also eat oranges and bananas?  So fascinating.

I am also curious on what the man in the background is eating...  It looks like an ice cream sandwich to me.  But I am not 100% sure, I will get back to you if I find out because we are all just so curious.

Photo Credit: Just Jared

If only it was a sale for men... wait, that's prostitution

I came across Nordstrom Anniversary sale ads and I was particularly interested in the models more than the clothes.  Damn, these guys are hot.  Most of these guys are or were models for Dolce & Gabbana, thus I recognized their faces.  Holy Mother, these guys are delicious.  The fashion is not that bad too.  Way to go Nordstrom, good clothing and hot models - now that's how you succeed in marketing.  When these guys go on sale, please feel free to inform me, wait that's illegal (I still would...)

No More Penis For You

The title of this post might sound like something my friend would say to me if I misbehaved, but that is not the case in this entry.  A woman in Garden Grove, California chopped off her husband penis because he "deserved it."  So that is the short version if you don't want to read the rest of the entry.  Woman chopped off husband's dick because he deserved it.  Damn no joke.  

Homegirl, Catherine Kieu Becker, homegirl ain't tricking me at all with that  fancy American first name.  Being Vietnamese myself, I know she is 100% Vietnamese, not on the basis of her picture, last name but more of the tool she used to chop off her husband's dick.  She used a 10-inch kitchen knife, all Vietnamese ladies have one including myself.  More importantly, is this the same knife used to chop off beef to make the broth for pho?  Did she wash the knife before cutting off his dick?  Will she use this knife again?  Lots of question here... but I must continue with the reporting.


Homegirl, like the witch in Snow White, started her plot by poisoning her husband.  She mixed an unknown substance into his food to make him sleepy.  What is this substance?  MSG?  Concentrated fish sauce?  Che ba mau (google it)?  So he fell asleep and woke up tied to the bed (here is where you play S&M by Rihanna feat. Britney) bleeding nonstop because his dick is chopped off.  Homegirl did not stop there, she also cleaned up.  How?  By throwing the junk down the garbage disposal.  Let me repeat that again, she threw his dick down the garbage disposal, she even turned on the garbage disposal.  My mom does the same thing with left over food... just dump it down the garbage disposal and turn it on while continuing to wash the dishes.  Did Catherine finish off the dishes in the sink too?  Parts of the penis have been recovered and taken into UCI Medical Center.  For what?  A mosaic?  scrapbook?  Gluing it back with a hot glue gun?  Submission to the Smithsonian?


More on the couple, they have filed for divorce in May because she was not pleased with his manhood, I mean irreconcilable differences. The only irreconcilable difference now is the gender of her ex-husband. A poor dickless guy? man? boy?  Well at least he will have more time in his day from not having to pee or masturbate.  These events consume so much time in my day.


Where is homegirl now?  She is in the kitchen isle at Ikea buying a new knife.  She is contemplating between purchasing a 10 inch or a 12 inch.  I say go for the 12 inch knife, the bigger the better.  No, she is locked up under the following charges:

• Suspicion of aggravated mayhem - nothing suspicious at all - nothing at all.  
• False imprisonment - look what a little s&m bondage session can do to you!
• Assault with a deadly weapon - if you call a 10-inch knife deadly, then yes - or just her favorite kitchen knife.
• Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony - we still don't know what the drug is... it could be MSG, dried lemon grass, or she simply is a bad cook.  
• Poisoning - maybe it was her first time cooking this dish?  can't they give her a break?
• Spousal abuse - you mean the dick cutting part?  That is just a little warning!!!  Like a squeeze in the cheeks or a slap on the wrist.  

Homegirl is not speaking and she is on a $1 million bail.  Motive is unknown and investigation continues.  We will update you with more details when I am done cleaning the garbage disposal.

Source:  Actual Article 

Have you seen these Asian Girls?

I really don't know where anime artists find their inspiration to draw Asian gurls with giant blue eyes and overripe melons.  I have not met such Asian girl in my entire life.

Well you might say, hello stupid it is a cartoon, get real, get a life...  But as the inquisitive person that I am, I can't help to question their motivation.  What is their inspiration?

I love the perfect face, spotless skin, four-edged star pins, thin eye brow, fitted top to secure oversized mangos - everything I want on my face and body.  Sadly I do not have it - not even the star pins!!!

Even the depiction of innocent school girls shares the same features... chacha as big as their head and hair that resemble aloe vera...  where can I find such asian gurl in real life? 

When I was in high school, girls at my school can never get their eyes that big, unless they are in line getting hot Cheetos.  And their boobs were no where near developed.  

Oh and look at this girl- choosing to not listen to her mother and going out with unsecured bra and a weapon hidden behind her back.  Where is she going?  The only valid reasons for having an unsecured bra are (1) preparing for a shower and (2) sexing it up in the bedroom.  I do not see a shower head or a bedroom background, I see trees and skyscrapers.  No idea what she is up to...  But love her star pins.  

If I did such things (walk out of the house topless), my mom would take away my house keys and in this case sword too, ask me to put on her homemade pajamas, and go to my room and do my homework.  None of this nude tanning in the park bullshit.

But these AZN girls have it all - they are my role models.  Here is when I will sing "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls.  

They're Just Like Us

Here's sweet home Alabama and America's sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon shopping in West Hollywood. But like all of us commoners, she inserts coins in the meter to avoid a $35 parking ticket fines, $120 in a "No Parking Anytime" zone (Don't ask me how I know!).

Wow, I did not know that Hollywood stars have to feed the meter, they are just like us.  Well, more like, they are just like you because, the Asian that I am cannot parallel park to save my ass.  I rather park a mile away and walk to my destination to avoid parallel parking.  Life is that hard for me.

Photo Credit: JustJared.com

What's next for Casey Anthony?

Since we are one of the top news providers in the world, here we present you with the up to date new story regarding the murder case of Casey Anthony.  While you enjoyed your baby back ribs, corn on the cob, and freshly made pink lemonade - the Florida jury had to figure out ...is homegirl guilty?

Well after 10 hours of deliberation, the jury did not, I repeat did not find Ca.Ant guilty of murdering her daughter.  Surprised much?  What they did find her guilty of is providing false information to law enforcement officers... I mean who hasn't?  I am sure if there is a spot on our driver license to reveal our cock size or bra size or the area/perimeter of your vagina, you all would lie...  8" cut, 36DD, 10 inches wide 12 inches deep

So... now that Florida court can go back to real work, we wonder (not really) what Casey Anthony will do with her freedom?  I mean, homegirl could have been sentenced the death penalty.... then she would die?  Yeah that's it.  But since she just bitch slapped the prosecutors, I suggest that Casey look into doing a few things with her life.  Here's a list of potential opportunities for Casey to partake to brighten up her life:

• Open up a childcare facility called "CAC - Casey Anthony Cares"
• Start a fashion line for toddler girls and girls with pink skulls as the dominant image for the fall line
• Replace Judge Judy or be a judge to solve children related issues 
• Write a children picture book about behaving in a courtroom or lying
• Enroll in a teaching credential program - she will make a great one, she can even use her own children book during story time.
• Sell her story to Ang Lee to direct a suspenseful story with Lindsay Lohan as the leading actress, if Lindsay is not available because she is in court - then Emma Stone will do.
• Sell cupcakes on a food truck with colorful frosting and sprinkles - called "CAKC - Casey Anthony Killer Cupcakes"

I think Casey has a bright future ahead.  

Pope now Tweeting

Hang on to your panties or not ... because the pope now has a twitter account.  Here is proof.

I don't know how I feel about this one.  Just the image of the pope and his slow moving fingers sliding across the iPad is hard for me to swallow.  And believe me, I have swallowed many things including...okay I will stop and get back on topic.


I hope autocorrect will change his message "god is great" to "gay is great" or "come pray for god" to "cum spray for gay."  When this happens, I will follow the pope on twitter.


Source: Vatican Gossip

Classy Wear No.1

Ladies and gays, please take notes.

If you want to look classy, just look at Tila Tequila's outfit then take three tequila shots before you assemble this hot ready to wear outfit.  This trendy wear is very popular for sleazy club grand openings, S&M parties, Cosmetology graduation ceremony, and a date with high profile investors in midtown New York.

What you will need:

-  1 black belt from Banana Republic, or GAP if you want the low end fashion

-  A flock of black feathers from your local flea market, organic chicken feathers will also work for those animals lovers

-  Lace leggings 

-  Black garbage kind (glossy finish please)

-  High Heels from Payless Shoes

Putting it together: 

1)  Wrap the belt around your chest, make sure you cover your nipples because you are classy like that.  Those of you who have a bigger chest (lucky you) will need a larger and longer belt.

2)  Using the hot glue gun, glue down the black feathers, fan the feathers first and use your bathroom potpourri spray to deodorize unpleasant smells.

3)  Glue down the feathers in the pattern of a fan, with the bigger feathers on top - Again hot glue gun works best, Elmer glue or a glue stick will not work.

4)  Cut out a rhombus shape (or diamond if you don't know what the fuck a rhombus is) - this will be your granny diaper panties.  Make sure the glossy finish is on the outside so the light can reflect off your crotch.  We picked trash bags over foil because when getting low on the dance floor, trash bags will not tear and give you an added smooth comfort that will not rub against your crotch.  For the picky and sensitive crotches, you may wear your normal underwear under the black panties - just know that you will not get hit on for the entire night and will go home with sad and wilted feathers.  

6)  Finish up with black laces legging, you don't want to show too much skin

7)  Put on your favorite heels and you are ready for a night out on the town.

Have fun and always stay forever classy.

xoxo,

Tomee

I do heart New York!

Congratulations to New York  for passing marriage equality.  An amazing achievement and most certainly worthy of a celebration with shiny bells and whistles.  The marriage equality act passed with the tally votes 33 - 29.  I wonder who the 29 party pooper and buzz killer were!!!

I have said this before, this is not about religion, this is not about ego, or an agenda - this is justice and equality - there should really be no agenda to set forth to achieve equality.  Sadly our justice and equality is not granted but earned.  Well done NY.  I think this achievement will be a strong wave to push our country toward marriage equality.  Also - let's refrain from using gay marriage, because marriage is marriage, we don't say straight marriage so we should not segregate ourselves from the crowd.

Come on home state California - let's get thing ball going already!

Image source: 

Sowwie? Do you buy it?

If you missed the news recently, let me provide a short recap.  Comedian, Tracy Morgan, pulled anti-gay jokes at his show in Nashville, Tenn on June 3, 2011.  Morgan mentioned that if his son is gay or does not talk like a man, as if Morgan speaks like a man (questionable statement here), then he would stab his son to death.  According to Morgan at that time, it was just a funny haha joke that led to a world tour of I am sorry.  Do you really buy it?

This brings me back to a valuable lesson that Thumper's father taught him in the movie Bambi.  I have provided the source for you below:

Perhaps Morgan missed this lesson from his father.  The concept of being nice seems quite a challenge, I am still upset at his hateful remark... can you forgive and really forget?  Or can you forget and really forgive?

These two in the wild ...

So sexy Jake will join the sexy Bear in a nature rendezvous.  The adventurous Jake mentioned that nature is all about "discovery" which led him to partake in this outing.  The only thing I want to discover is seeing these two strip down and wrestle in nature followed by some ass fucking.  Am I wrong to assume this?  I honestly don't know who will presume the coveted bottom position.  This one is a close call, I really can't decide.  If Jake had the same look as October Sky, then he would definitely be the bottom - but with that rugged carpet on his face - I really don't know and it is too late for me to analyze.  I just want these two to do it like they do it on the discovery channel (thank you to the Offsprings for such meaningful lyrics.) 


While Jake wants to discover nature offering, sexy Bear said something about nature being revealing:

The wild is always very revealing - not only physically but mentally. You’ve got to smile when it’s driving horizontal hail and be able to face your fears and just get on and do it - and on both of those accounts, Jake came up strong

I want nature to reveal the naked bodies of these two by forcing strong pressure winds that will cause them to lose their physical and mental state.  "You've got to smile" is exactly I will do while wetting my panties.  And Jake came up strong?  Does that mean that he is still hard after some fucking?  Bear needs to be specific because I have so many questions.


With that said, I will watch this episode and just picture these two forking and spooning each other away.