Classy Wear No.1

Ladies and gays, please take notes.

If you want to look classy, just look at Tila Tequila's outfit then take three tequila shots before you assemble this hot ready to wear outfit.  This trendy wear is very popular for sleazy club grand openings, S&M parties, Cosmetology graduation ceremony, and a date with high profile investors in midtown New York.

What you will need:

-  1 black belt from Banana Republic, or GAP if you want the low end fashion
-  A flock of black feathers from your local flea market, organic chicken feathers will also work for those animals lovers
-  Lace leggings 
-  Black garbage kind (glossy finish please)
-  High Heels from Payless Shoes

Putting it together: 

1)  Wrap the belt around your chest, make sure you cover your nipples because you are classy like that.  Those of you who have a bigger chest (lucky you) will need a larger and longer belt.
2)  Using the hot glue gun, glue down the black feathers, fan the feathers first and use your bathroom potpourri spray to deodorize unpleasant smells.
3)  Glue down the feathers in the pattern of a fan, with the bigger feathers on top - Again hot glue gun works best, Elmer glue or a glue stick will not work.
4)  Cut out a rhombus shape (or diamond if you don't know what the fuck a rhombus is) - this will be your granny diaper panties.  Make sure the glossy finish is on the outside so the light can reflect off your crotch.  We picked trash bags over foil because when getting low on the dance floor, trash bags will not tear and give you an added smooth comfort that will not rub against your crotch.  For the picky and sensitive crotches, you may wear your normal underwear under the black panties - just know that you will not get hit on for the entire night and will go home with sad and wilted feathers.  
6)  Finish up with black laces legging, you don't want to show too much skin
7)  Put on your favorite heels and you are ready for a night out on the town.

Have fun and always stay forever classy.