Sex After 60 - Cheap Household Products to Achieve Proper Maintenance and Cleaning

I was talking to a woman, at least in her 60+, about her life. She's divorced; has two kids; lives alone w/ a pet cat. What's she missing? Sex. When was the last time she had sex? Well, she couldn't quantify the date. That's a big sign that it has been a LONG time ago, eons ago! So we go on to discuss what she needs to be able to pick up her life and add some spice to it. How would she be able to have a guy come over and park his limo in her garage? We did a little brain storming and came up with some tools that will get things going. Perhaps, once things become functional again, men would respond to her craig's list ad. 

Industrial Plunger:

Price: $7.99 at Staples HERE

Toilet Brush (and look, what a cute discrete shape. People will think it's only for cleaning toilets)

Price: $14.95 at Amazon HERE

Obviously, these tools are to remove:

Once the storage unit has been rid of the spider webs, one must consider some lube to ensure the garage door works without squeaking:

Walgreens Warming Liquid Lubricant for $5.49

Astroglide Personal Lubricant for $10.49

ID Sensual Glide for $9.87

And for safety, don't forget the condoms!

Condoms with free shipping! Different varieties for cheap! HERE

Happy spring cleaning to all those ladies out there 60+ and looking for fun!

Sun & Sea

If you are residing in California, did notice how hot it was today? The temperature recorded up to 83F. Due to the surprise heat, I cannot tell if we are looping back to summer or heading toward winter. Should I put on my peacoat or bust out my white speedo? I really can't decide. How many days has it rained this year alone? I figured not very much. The sad thing is... I think I have seen far more cocks compared to raindrops this year. Does that make me slut? No, it does not. The weather should rain more. Maybe I will do a rain dance tomorrow with jazz hands and gayish kicks in hope for rain to spread across the land. Wow, I sure sound like a goddess holding on to mighty power, and by power - I am referring to the disco stick.

Back to the important issue, I think we are heading toward global warming. (Don't roll your eyes at me) A few years ago, I could care less about global warming. I mean the idea of earth heating up was quite silly. I just thought we had an extended summer. And I was way too busy catching up with Samantha's sex life in Sex in the City and anxiously waiting for the day that Justin and Bryan be together as one to care about "environmental issues". Overtime, I reduced my gayness intakes and started learning about my surroundings. In reality, I don't really mind the ice melting. In my ideal world, we would all be mermaids and mermans swimming in the sea singing songs with lobsters and sea horses. I wonder how it would feel like to have sex under water. How would one produce semen under sea? Would that be considered as water pollution? Worthy PH.D research questions.

Moving on...

Word of the day: orgiastic - meaning sexually aroused, displaying excessive interest in sex.

Sample Sentence: As Ariel learned to walk, she developed an orgiastic sensation as she approached her companion's bed.

Adam Lambert and boyfriend split, boo who?

So it was announced officially that Adam Lambert, American Idol runner up this past season, has split with Drake LeBry (who??). Details are never provided when break-ups occur, but the same general, cheesy statements are always used. It goes something like this: "The break-up was mutual and without animosity. Both remain friends and still care for each other.” Homegirl, please. Knowing the reason for the break-up, there would be no friendship, no hospitality. Moving on would be the easiest. 

So, no other blogs I've read have been able to determine the cause for the break-up. Well, you are just in luck because I know the reason. I mean, it's speculation, but it doesn't take a biochemical molecular scientist with a PhD with two Nobel prizes to see why they split. Click HERE for details. 

So, knowing what I know, you can see why the break-up was inevitable.