what the palm?

Can someone please explain to me what the fuck Novak Djokovic is wearing.  I mean a palm suits?  Who tailored this?  A seamstress in Vietnam?  I have known to have my share of horrible fashion choices, but this is terrible.  Can someone please tell Novak that palm trees belong in nature and not on a suit?

Limited Time Offer

Don't you hate it when you are about to go down on a piece of meat and you just can't swallow the whole god damn thing?  Maybe his dick is too big or your mouth is too small?

Don't you wish that there was some kind of lube for your mouth hole?  Well as the groundbreaker reporters we are, we found what might be of service for your throat and for the piece of meat you are about to inhale.  This is what we call a win-win situation.  I came across this ads while doing some intense research (aka cruising for boys) and was distracted by this desensitizing deep throat spray (say what?)

I never knew such things existed, since I never (okay maybe ten times deep throated in my life) deep throated in my life.  I find such behavior hot degrading since we are force fed a delicious piece of sausage in front of our eyes.  What is this?  A Brazilian steak house?  I think not.

But since we live in the United States of Whores we can freely deep throat and swallow as long and however much we like.  Yes, wave those red, white, and blue panties proudly Americans - since us whores are here to stay.  In the meantime, if you are ever in need of some desensitizing action for some deep dipping action - head out to your favorite drug stores such as Walgreens or Target and ask the clerk for this spray.  I am sure they have it readily available - all seasons and fully stocked.  Check near the cough drops aisle.

Happy Throating.

Never Too Late for Braces

As I was skimming through pictures of stars going to the Grammy award, I noticed something interesting and different about Faith Hill.  Homegirl has braces.  What?  How?  Why now?  Though you might say it is never too late for braces, but homegirl damn.... did they not invent braces when you were going up?  At least get Invisalign...  Perhaps the economy is really hitting the Hill's homes and that's all Faith can budget for.  Poor Faith.  Perhaps now would the be appropriate time to sing her signature song "Cry."

Oh Michelle, You're Married!

Ever since I was a little girl (not really) I really wanted to become a figure skater.  My inspiration to become a figure skater is attributed to the memorizing Michelle Kwan.  I recall the days patiently watching as she takes the ice and nervously glue my eyes to the television while she does her music.  I watched as she completed her program without a flaw or ass on the ice.

She rarely disappoints but when she did, it was pain - true pain.

I loved every moment with Michelle Kwan.  We laughed, we cried, we were the best friends that only made sense in my twisted imagination.  Well I just found out that Michelle Kwan is married and I writing this blog as a way to honor my Michelle, how I love thee and will always be inspired by what you do.