Got Gas? Easy Ways to Thwart Digestive Problems

On USA Weekend today, there was a short section on various home remedies to relieve your digestive distress. Allow me to share these strategies with you in case you have these problems but secretly deny having them. I mean, we all have released one or a dozen silent fart balls in public, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not. With these strategies, you can prevent from a loss of public image. I will share the "scientific" home remedies as well as the homegirl remedies to provide you with an abundant selection to choose from.

Got Gas?
Home Remedy: Eat a teaspoon of olive oil on an empty stomach each morning to prevent gas.

Homegirl Remedy: Eat oil? In the morning? Well for some people, applying on their make-up is their main concern. While others need to wash off the left over jizz on their hair, my strategy for getting rid of gas is to take 5 tissue papers, fold them in half, spray 3 squirts of Febreeze, and insert them in between your ass. This way, you can mask the smell and sound while still having the liberty to fart all day long. Out of tissues? Toilet papers, handkerchief, or a new sponge works great as well.

Ate Something Bad? Stomachache?
Home Remedy: Get ready for this one. Mix a teaspoon of baking soda with 4 ounces of warm water, then drink it.

Homegirl Remedy: Baking soda? Measuring water? This all sound too much like a science fair experiment. An easy ancient Asian method of relieving stomachache is by stepping on someone back. Simply lay flat down and have a heavier person than you step on your back. They should start from the top near your neck and move down right above your ass. You don't want someone too heavy for this remedy, so ask a hot coworker or put a craigslist ad if you have time to spare. This will relieve your stomach pain and hey if you like feet, it can also turn into an erotic and pleasurable session.

Not Happy with your Bloating?
Home Remedy: Squeeze the juice of half a lemon into a cup of hot water and enjoy.

Homegirl Remedy: This technique is fairly simple; however it lacks the fun. For the HG remedy, find a reliable friend with a clean mouth. Squeeze lemon juice into their mouth, have them gargle it (to make it warm), then ask him/her to spit the juice in your mouth. To thank your friend, get out your favorite lube, lay on your back with your legs up in the air to declare your ready position for anal sex. This will definitely relieve all your bloating problems.

Home Remedy: Drink 2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar twice a day with 8 ounce glass of water.

Homegirl Remedy: Apple cider vinegar? Hello I am saving that for Thanksgiving. Buy a load of spinach and eat them for the entire day (spinach sandwich, spinach shake, spinach salad, spinach creme brulee, etc...). You need the fiber intakes to breakdown the constipation sensation. If you absolutely hate spinach, try broccoli, swiss chard, or green peas. If you hate all of these options, just have anal sex until you want to throw up... maybe you can release the unwanted food from your mouth.