Do you need to tas?

What is tas? Let me present a scenario to set the scene. You go out with a group of your closest homegirls and after looking and debating over 10 different entrees, you finally picked a worthy dish to suffice your appetite. You eat, drink, and chat to partake in the social event. After the meal is over, your friends continue to share their latest life story while your stomach starts to churn in hope to tas. Tas is my secret code word for "take a shit."

I really had to tas tonight when I was out with a group of friends. We met up at a local eatery and pigged out on gourmet burgers, bottomless steak fries, and fancy fruity drinks. Don't be fooled by these enticing food because by the time the meal was over, my bottom was screaming for release. I really needed to take a tas. However, I fear public bathroom. I am afraid to interrupt my friend sharing time by getting up for a quick release (not that release pervo!). While I can just fart out air balls to relieve my bloating stomach - I can't guarantee that they will be silent or loud air... or worst... what if it wasn't air but actually shit? For these fears, I hold it in and continue to give off fake smiles, unnecessary nodding, and interrupting with irrelevant comments. Because lord knows, once you fart aloud or shit in your pants, you might as well withdraw from your saving account and move to a third world country. Why? Just ask yourself, do you want to be friends with a constant farter or dirty pants shit taker?

So how do you avoid the urge to tas while dining out with your friends, chilling at the club, or going out on a date? I urge you to eat before going out. You should pig out at home, tas, take a shower, put on your sluttiest outfit and off you go to a pleasant bloating-free night. Otherwise, you will have to make a quick escape to the nearest drug store for Tums. The decision is yours. I would just eat at home and order a safe dish like soup or water at the restaurant to avoid the urge of having to tas.

Please stop.

No this is not an equestrian preparing to hop on his horse. I will let you decide which is the horse. The image here is seen on one of Tyra's latest shows. I have been reading a lot of ghettoness from the Tyra's Show. A few weeks ago, she had some lady junk removed from her trunk, made a lady put mayonnaise all over her face while wearing her bra for $200, and now strutting her moves on a stripper's pole. Is Tyra running out of creative juice? What's in her head? Concentrated dumb juice?

Though I get the vague connection that Tyra is linking these random acts for woman empowerment, but these actions do not scream for women empowerment, it screams for embarrassment. Do you think a real woman would put mayonnaise while wearing her bra as a mark of pride? I would feel like an idiot. Honestly, the only woman that is empowerment women is Lady Gaga.

Speaking of women, Chez taught me a sophisticated word a few weeks ago and I think we should really need to include it in our everyday vocabulary:

Word of the day:

A débutante - defined as a young lady from an aristocratic or upper class family who has reached the age of maturity, and as a new adult, is introduced to society at a formal presentation known as her "début".

Sample Sentence: Tyra is pushing debutantes into the alley of wackness.

Pet Therapy

Where I work pets are used for therapeutic reasons: close gaps (prejudice/interracial/inter-generational/etc.) between individuals by establishing commonalities; alleviate symptoms of depression and isolation; relieve stress; etc. I don't have a pet currently, nor do I really want one at this time. Why? Well, I'm quite too selfish with my time. Aside from work, I have hobbies and interests in life that I would like to spend time immersing myself in - although I have not been too satisfied with the actual amount of time I've put into them - for various reasons.

As I was getting ready to head to the gym at 4:30AM, I received a picture text from a close friend of mine. So kind to think of me at such early hours, huh? With blurred vision, I make my way to read her message. It goes something like: ...world's most dangerous snake. Colors may vary from pink to black. It's fangless. It usually appears in bedrooms. Usually attacks lower abdominal areas. It's highly venomous; can cause swelling, up to 9 months. Stumbling to the bathroom, I was kind of curious - would these snakes ever invade my bedroom? What would I need to do to kill it. Take a look at the picture. AhA! Well, it may seem that I have certain immunities. Swelling of nine months? nope - immune-ed. However, can cause burning of eyes and throat if not properly evaded.

Towards the end of the day, exhausted from work, I was able to make the connection between work and the snake. I totally see how pet therapy works. It does close gaps between differences: it brings together the pinks, whites, blacks and yellows... or so I've seen in movies. It takes away depression and isolation. And the end result: stress relief. Second thought, I think I'll look into owning a pet, or two...three...five. I wonder what the policy w/ snakes is where I live?

Warning, not for the those with a weak, conservative heart: Show and Tell Pet.

Bon Appetite

Gossip Girl vs. Gossip Gay

I have never seen a full episode of Gossip Girl nor do I want to. Because in the real world, I am a gossip girl myself. It would be like watching myself on TV. But with the recent man to man kiss between Ed Westwick and whatever his name is... My no no became curious. I never found Ed Westwick to be hot or desirable, but after hearing his manly voice on GG, I want to melt into his arms as he read me a bedtime story.

As for the "kiss," it was totally TV-Y7. I have seen a better kiss in Disney Snow White. It was such a tease. It was like showing someone the no-no area for 3 seconds and cover it up with a towel. Totally unfair.

Judge it for yourself:

Also, if there was a gossip gay version, the conversation would be something like this:

Chez: Can you believe that Jake swallowed?

Tomee: No way, I tried that last time and I ended up throwing up on the 400 thread count sheet.

Chez: Totally embarrassing.

Tomee: Totally.

I know you have...

I can admit that I have checked out the "Men Seeking Men" section on craigslist and I know you have too. Don't deny it. Though I never respond (tempted but no), I find the ads entertaining and even at times, exotic. I am glad craigslist is a promoter of free sex. Those people who host or travel are the venturesome individuals who want to get some to get off. They do not settle for jpgs or mini sneak preview clips, they go for what they want. I say more power to them.

From all posters in different cities, there exists a common theme in search for daddies or straight married men. Oh, just thinking of it put me in the mood to look for a married man myself. Do such creature exist? Would you even want a married man when you know his no-no has slipped into to another female no-no? Just thinking of this, makes me want to say no-no. But if they have big arms, maybe I will reconsider and give them a chance.

Sometimes, you can almost read their personalities through a few short sentences... For example, those who post with ALL CAPS, I would imagine to be the big macho construction worker type who is not looking for a sissy trick but a rough buddy for man to man fun. Either that or he is Kayne West.

Not only are these people creative in their posts but also in their catchy titles that scream for "click me, pick me, dick me." They are not shy about their sluttiness or horniness, they proudly type it out and even post xxx pictures. Here are a few samples:

Do you need some oral attention?

Needing to explode

Looking for a hung top to plow my ass.

Wow these titles are quite arousing. I am tempted to make up an e-mail account and respond some of these ads.

Do you host or travel?