No More Penis For You

The title of this post might sound like something my friend would say to me if I misbehaved, but that is not the case in this entry.  A woman in Garden Grove, California chopped off her husband penis because he "deserved it."  So that is the short version if you don't want to read the rest of the entry.  Woman chopped off husband's dick because he deserved it.  Damn no joke.  

Homegirl, Catherine Kieu Becker, homegirl ain't tricking me at all with that  fancy American first name.  Being Vietnamese myself, I know she is 100% Vietnamese, not on the basis of her picture, last name but more of the tool she used to chop off her husband's dick.  She used a 10-inch kitchen knife, all Vietnamese ladies have one including myself.  More importantly, is this the same knife used to chop off beef to make the broth for pho?  Did she wash the knife before cutting off his dick?  Will she use this knife again?  Lots of question here... but I must continue with the reporting.

Homegirl, like the witch in Snow White, started her plot by poisoning her husband.  She mixed an unknown substance into his food to make him sleepy.  What is this substance?  MSG?  Concentrated fish sauce?  Che ba mau (google it)?  So he fell asleep and woke up tied to the bed (here is where you play S&M by Rihanna feat. Britney) bleeding nonstop because his dick is chopped off.  Homegirl did not stop there, she also cleaned up.  How?  By throwing the junk down the garbage disposal.  Let me repeat that again, she threw his dick down the garbage disposal, she even turned on the garbage disposal.  My mom does the same thing with left over food... just dump it down the garbage disposal and turn it on while continuing to wash the dishes.  Did Catherine finish off the dishes in the sink too?  Parts of the penis have been recovered and taken into UCI Medical Center.  For what?  A mosaic?  scrapbook?  Gluing it back with a hot glue gun?  Submission to the Smithsonian?

More on the couple, they have filed for divorce in May because she was not pleased with his manhood, I mean irreconcilable differences. The only irreconcilable difference now is the gender of her ex-husband. A poor dickless guy? man? boy?  Well at least he will have more time in his day from not having to pee or masturbate.  These events consume so much time in my day.

Where is homegirl now?  She is in the kitchen isle at Ikea buying a new knife.  She is contemplating between purchasing a 10 inch or a 12 inch.  I say go for the 12 inch knife, the bigger the better.  No, she is locked up under the following charges:

  • Suspicion of aggravated mayhem - nothing suspicious at all - nothing at all.  
  • False imprisonment - look what a little s&m bondage session can do to you!
  • Assault with a deadly weapon - if you call a 10-inch knife deadly, then yes - or just her favorite kitchen knife.
  • Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony - we still don't know what the drug is... it could be MSG, dried lemon grass, or she simply is a bad cook.  
  • Poisoning - maybe it was her first time cooking this dish?  can't they give her a break?
  • Spousal abuse - you mean the dick cutting part?  That is just a little warning!!!  Like a squeeze in the cheeks or a slap on the wrist.  
Homegirl is not speaking and she is on a $1 million bail.  Motive is unknown and investigation continues.  We will update you with more details when I am done cleaning the garbage disposal.


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