Let me cocksearch you!

<- I came across this ad while stalking people on facebook. Rather than finding the updates on who is fat and who is not from fellow "friends" I was distracted by this deceiving ad. I wasn't sure if the ad was promoting online sex freebie or to perform an oral, I mean background check on your date. Lets get real, my landlord didn't even perform a "criminal" background check on me. I don't understand. Is it bad to date a criminal? I think it might be kind of hot. I mean he has own up to the image of badass boy of the town. Don't you want to be the badass boy's gurl? Then again, I don't want a black eye. The only crime in my book is if your date wears Uggz or masks herself/himself with cologne purchased from Walgreens. Other than that, you're good to go.

To do a background check for a date is too much work, I don't even want to pay my portion of the meal on the first date, let alone pay for a criminal background check. Can I just check how big he is downstair? I will do a cocksearch in a hurry. To take it a step further, I will even go down in the restaurant table discreetly, cop a feel, and return to my seat ready with my order in 69 seconds. And the best thing about cocksearch is you get instant result. Your result won't be lingering in an office waiting for you to pick up unless your date is over the age of 55, in that case you will need to tell him to make friends with the pharmacist. There are two results for cocksearch: "gimme gimme" or "damn your weewee is tiny." Allow me to show you the emotions with the help of google image:

Positive Result (Gimme Gimme) vs. Negative Result (Damn your weewee is tiny)