Sowwie? Do you buy it?

If you missed the news recently, let me provide a short recap.  Comedian, Tracy Morgan, pulled anti-gay jokes at his show in Nashville, Tenn on June 3, 2011.  Morgan mentioned that if his son is gay or does not talk like a man, as if Morgan speaks like a man (questionable statement here), then he would stab his son to death.  According to Morgan at that time, it was just a funny haha joke that led to a world tour of I am sorry.  Do you really buy it?

This brings me back to a valuable lesson that Thumper's father taught him in the movie Bambi.  I have provided the source for you below:

Perhaps Morgan missed this lesson from his father.  The concept of being nice seems quite a challenge, I am still upset at his hateful remark... can you forgive and really forget?  Or can you forget and really forgive?

These two in the wild ...

So sexy Jake will join the sexy Bear in a nature rendezvous.  The adventurous Jake mentioned that nature is all about "discovery" which led him to partake in this outing.  The only thing I want to discover is seeing these two strip down and wrestle in nature followed by some ass fucking.  Am I wrong to assume this?  I honestly don't know who will presume the coveted bottom position.  This one is a close call, I really can't decide.  If Jake had the same look as October Sky, then he would definitely be the bottom - but with that rugged carpet on his face - I really don't know and it is too late for me to analyze.  I just want these two to do it like they do it on the discovery channel (thank you to the Offsprings for such meaningful lyrics.) 


While Jake wants to discover nature offering, sexy Bear said something about nature being revealing:

The wild is always very revealing - not only physically but mentally. You’ve got to smile when it’s driving horizontal hail and be able to face your fears and just get on and do it - and on both of those accounts, Jake came up strong

I want nature to reveal the naked bodies of these two by forcing strong pressure winds that will cause them to lose their physical and mental state.  "You've got to smile" is exactly I will do while wetting my panties.  And Jake came up strong?  Does that mean that he is still hard after some fucking?  Bear needs to be specific because I have so many questions.


With that said, I will watch this episode and just picture these two forking and spooning each other away.

Got Gas? Easy Ways to Thwart Digestive Problems

On USA Weekend today, there was a short section on various home remedies to relieve your digestive distress. Allow me to share these strategies with you in case you have these problems but secretly deny having them. I mean, we all have released one or a dozen silent fart balls in public, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not. With these strategies, you can prevent from a loss of public image. I will share the "scientific" home remedies as well as the homegirl remedies to provide you with an abundant selection to choose from.

Got Gas?

Home Remedy: Eat a teaspoon of olive oil on an empty stomach each morning to prevent gas.

Homegirl Remedy: Eat oil? In the morning? Well for some people, applying on their make-up is their main concern. While others need to wash off the left over jizz on their hair, my strategy for getting rid of gas is to take 5 tissue papers, fold them in half, spray 3 squirts of Febreeze, and insert them in between your ass. This way, you can mask the smell and sound while still having the liberty to fart all day long. Out of tissues? Toilet papers, handkerchief, or a new sponge works great as well.

Ate Something Bad? Stomachache?

Home Remedy: Get ready for this one. Mix a teaspoon of baking soda with 4 ounces of warm water, then drink it.

Homegirl Remedy: Baking soda? Measuring water? This all sound too much like a science fair experiment. An easy ancient Asian method of relieving stomachache is by stepping on someone back. Simply lay flat down and have a heavier person than you step on your back. They should start from the top near your neck and move down right above your ass. You don't want someone too heavy for this remedy, so ask a hot coworker or put a craigslist ad if you have time to spare. This will relieve your stomach pain and hey if you like feet, it can also turn into an erotic and pleasurable session.

Not Happy with your Bloating?

Home Remedy: Squeeze the juice of half a lemon into a cup of hot water and enjoy.

Homegirl Remedy: This technique is fairly simple; however it lacks the fun. For the HG remedy, find a reliable friend with a clean mouth. Squeeze lemon juice into their mouth, have them gargle it (to make it warm), then ask him/her to spit the juice in your mouth. To thank your friend, get out your favorite lube, lay on your back with your legs up in the air to declare your ready position for anal sex. This will definitely relieve all your bloating problems.

CCCCCCoooonnnnstttipppatttion?

Home Remedy: Drink 2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar twice a day with 8 ounce glass of water.

Homegirl Remedy: Apple cider vinegar? Hello I am saving that for Thanksgiving. Buy a load of spinach and eat them for the entire day (spinach sandwich, spinach shake, spinach salad, spinach creme brulee, etc...). You need the fiber intakes to breakdown the constipation sensation. If you absolutely hate spinach, try broccoli, swiss chard, or green peas. If you hate all of these options, just have anal sex until you want to throw up... maybe you can release the unwanted food from your mouth.

Take a Bow - As sung by Madonna?

Several report that President Obama displayed weakness by bowing to Japan's Emperor, Akihito. And in return, it tarnishes Japan's image by conveying weakness in Japan's terms.







People just read into things WAY too much. I mean, it could be worse - if the bow involved this type of action, then chatter is more justifiable:

Snatch that Wig

Poor Home Girl.

Is this equivalent as when Kanye West ruined Taylor Swift's moment at MTV's VMA Awards? I mean, Home Girl was stripped of her crown, and wig! Look for the girl ready to attack with the heels on the right side:

Asian Twink - I refuse to be labeled that!!!!

Someone approached me the other day in disbelief that I am not Chinese, that I didn't come from Hong Kong or Taiwan. I wasn't offended or anything - initially. Keep in mind, I have nothing against anyone from there, but I knew where the discussion was heading; I am an Asian Twink and that I love to sucky sucky any white older guy twice my youthful age. UGH. So many reasons why I am not a twink! And no, I am not stereotyping Asian Twinks are only from Hong Kong or Taiwan. The truth is Asian Twinks are found everywhere!!  You can't hide from them!..

Reasons why Chez (Bitch, it's Shay) is not an Asian Twink:

(Working list, will add more. Suggestions? Leave some in the comments. Better yet, if you are an Asian Twink, just describe yourself)

1) I am not a under 100lbs. The wind blows, I am still standing up. My waist size? 30! Not <22.

2)I do not strive to achieve cheap-ass bleached orange-wanna-be-blond streaked hair, with long bangs. It's not split down the middle, to the side, to the side and up, to the side and up and around, back up and down...

3)I do not dress in bright colored clothing acting to be either: a) a wanna be gangster or b) a Harajuku girl or c) a character from Pokemon

4) Moan, cry and scream in agony when having sex; or make quiet, subtle, chirping sounds of pleasure during sex. Have you seen any asian porn???? 

5) Whether when I shower, engage in youthful activities requiring nudity, my body is not pixelated. Don't get this concept? Again, watch Asian porn...

6) My Ipod playlist does not entirely consist of songs that I cannot read or understand; and is not 100% techno based w/ lyrics that don't make sense. I mean, Bad Romance by Lady Gaga is at the top of my list!! Ra-Ra-Ra a Ra a, Ro-Ro-ro-O-Mance, Ga-Ga-Ah a Ah a

Just in case there are people who don't know what kind of creature an Asian Twink is, here are some visuals:

Split hair, down the middle to serve old man's foot??

Twinks in Action, if I showed the whole image, you'll see two boney bodies thrusting in action. But of course, this blog is PG-17

Bleach much? Daily school outfit? 

Yes, Bitch grew out her bangs, bleached them, set-up her camera to take a picture of herself in a car

 

God, how long does it take to do your hair?? I'd rather be eating and gaining weight to keep my waist at 30

I see why they sensor that shit!

Asian Twink embracing his Twinkness, and his Twinky. Ugh...

So now you have an idea of what an Asian Twink is. For those readers who have this perception of me, you definitely thought wrong. People fight for end world hunger, world peace....I fight to debunk the perception of me being a twink! I should get a No-Twink Prize!

Dictionary.com has this definition of a Twink:

gay slang for a cute young thing with nothing upstairs

How to use the word in a sentence:

No, Chez is not an Asian Twink; he weighs more than 100 lbs and does not serve white older men's feet; his hair is not split nor bleached; and is not pixelated.

Let me cocksearch you!

<- I came across this ad while stalking people on facebook. Rather than finding the updates on who is fat and who is not from fellow "friends" I was distracted by this deceiving ad. I wasn't sure if the ad was promoting online sex freebie or to perform an oral, I mean background check on your date. Lets get real, my landlord didn't even perform a "criminal" background check on me. I don't understand. Is it bad to date a criminal? I think it might be kind of hot. I mean he has own up to the image of badass boy of the town. Don't you want to be the badass boy's gurl? Then again, I don't want a black eye. The only crime in my book is if your date wears Uggz or masks herself/himself with cologne purchased from Walgreens. Other than that, you're good to go.

To do a background check for a date is too much work, I don't even want to pay my portion of the meal on the first date, let alone pay for a criminal background check. Can I just check how big he is downstair? I will do a cocksearch in a hurry. To take it a step further, I will even go down in the restaurant table discreetly, cop a feel, and return to my seat ready with my order in 69 seconds. And the best thing about cocksearch is you get instant result. Your result won't be lingering in an office waiting for you to pick up unless your date is over the age of 55, in that case you will need to tell him to make friends with the pharmacist. There are two results for cocksearch: "gimme gimme" or "damn your weewee is tiny." Allow me to show you the emotions with the help of google image:

Positive Result (Gimme Gimme) vs. Negative Result (Damn your weewee is tiny)