No More Penis For You

The title of this post might sound like something my friend would say to me if I misbehaved, but that is not the case in this entry.  A woman in Garden Grove, California chopped off her husband penis because he "deserved it."  So that is the short version if you don't want to read the rest of the entry.  Woman chopped off husband's dick because he deserved it.  Damn no joke.  

Homegirl, Catherine Kieu Becker, homegirl ain't tricking me at all with that  fancy American first name.  Being Vietnamese myself, I know she is 100% Vietnamese, not on the basis of her picture, last name but more of the tool she used to chop off her husband's dick.  She used a 10-inch kitchen knife, all Vietnamese ladies have one including myself.  More importantly, is this the same knife used to chop off beef to make the broth for pho?  Did she wash the knife before cutting off his dick?  Will she use this knife again?  Lots of question here... but I must continue with the reporting.


Homegirl, like the witch in Snow White, started her plot by poisoning her husband.  She mixed an unknown substance into his food to make him sleepy.  What is this substance?  MSG?  Concentrated fish sauce?  Che ba mau (google it)?  So he fell asleep and woke up tied to the bed (here is where you play S&M by Rihanna feat. Britney) bleeding nonstop because his dick is chopped off.  Homegirl did not stop there, she also cleaned up.  How?  By throwing the junk down the garbage disposal.  Let me repeat that again, she threw his dick down the garbage disposal, she even turned on the garbage disposal.  My mom does the same thing with left over food... just dump it down the garbage disposal and turn it on while continuing to wash the dishes.  Did Catherine finish off the dishes in the sink too?  Parts of the penis have been recovered and taken into UCI Medical Center.  For what?  A mosaic?  scrapbook?  Gluing it back with a hot glue gun?  Submission to the Smithsonian?


More on the couple, they have filed for divorce in May because she was not pleased with his manhood, I mean irreconcilable differences. The only irreconcilable difference now is the gender of her ex-husband. A poor dickless guy? man? boy?  Well at least he will have more time in his day from not having to pee or masturbate.  These events consume so much time in my day.


Where is homegirl now?  She is in the kitchen isle at Ikea buying a new knife.  She is contemplating between purchasing a 10 inch or a 12 inch.  I say go for the 12 inch knife, the bigger the better.  No, she is locked up under the following charges:

• Suspicion of aggravated mayhem - nothing suspicious at all - nothing at all.  
• False imprisonment - look what a little s&m bondage session can do to you!
• Assault with a deadly weapon - if you call a 10-inch knife deadly, then yes - or just her favorite kitchen knife.
• Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony - we still don't know what the drug is... it could be MSG, dried lemon grass, or she simply is a bad cook.  
• Poisoning - maybe it was her first time cooking this dish?  can't they give her a break?
• Spousal abuse - you mean the dick cutting part?  That is just a little warning!!!  Like a squeeze in the cheeks or a slap on the wrist.  

Homegirl is not speaking and she is on a $1 million bail.  Motive is unknown and investigation continues.  We will update you with more details when I am done cleaning the garbage disposal.

Source:  Actual Article 

They're Just Like Us

Here's sweet home Alabama and America's sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon shopping in West Hollywood. But like all of us commoners, she inserts coins in the meter to avoid a $35 parking ticket fines, $120 in a "No Parking Anytime" zone (Don't ask me how I know!).

Wow, I did not know that Hollywood stars have to feed the meter, they are just like us.  Well, more like, they are just like you because, the Asian that I am cannot parallel park to save my ass.  I rather park a mile away and walk to my destination to avoid parallel parking.  Life is that hard for me.

Photo Credit: JustJared.com

What's next for Casey Anthony?

Since we are one of the top news providers in the world, here we present you with the up to date new story regarding the murder case of Casey Anthony.  While you enjoyed your baby back ribs, corn on the cob, and freshly made pink lemonade - the Florida jury had to figure out ...is homegirl guilty?

Well after 10 hours of deliberation, the jury did not, I repeat did not find Ca.Ant guilty of murdering her daughter.  Surprised much?  What they did find her guilty of is providing false information to law enforcement officers... I mean who hasn't?  I am sure if there is a spot on our driver license to reveal our cock size or bra size or the area/perimeter of your vagina, you all would lie...  8" cut, 36DD, 10 inches wide 12 inches deep

So... now that Florida court can go back to real work, we wonder (not really) what Casey Anthony will do with her freedom?  I mean, homegirl could have been sentenced the death penalty.... then she would die?  Yeah that's it.  But since she just bitch slapped the prosecutors, I suggest that Casey look into doing a few things with her life.  Here's a list of potential opportunities for Casey to partake to brighten up her life:

• Open up a childcare facility called "CAC - Casey Anthony Cares"
• Start a fashion line for toddler girls and girls with pink skulls as the dominant image for the fall line
• Replace Judge Judy or be a judge to solve children related issues 
• Write a children picture book about behaving in a courtroom or lying
• Enroll in a teaching credential program - she will make a great one, she can even use her own children book during story time.
• Sell her story to Ang Lee to direct a suspenseful story with Lindsay Lohan as the leading actress, if Lindsay is not available because she is in court - then Emma Stone will do.
• Sell cupcakes on a food truck with colorful frosting and sprinkles - called "CAKC - Casey Anthony Killer Cupcakes"

I think Casey has a bright future ahead.  

Pope now Tweeting

Hang on to your panties or not ... because the pope now has a twitter account.  Here is proof.

I don't know how I feel about this one.  Just the image of the pope and his slow moving fingers sliding across the iPad is hard for me to swallow.  And believe me, I have swallowed many things including...okay I will stop and get back on topic.


I hope autocorrect will change his message "god is great" to "gay is great" or "come pray for god" to "cum spray for gay."  When this happens, I will follow the pope on twitter.


Source: Vatican Gossip

I do heart New York!

Congratulations to New York  for passing marriage equality.  An amazing achievement and most certainly worthy of a celebration with shiny bells and whistles.  The marriage equality act passed with the tally votes 33 - 29.  I wonder who the 29 party pooper and buzz killer were!!!

I have said this before, this is not about religion, this is not about ego, or an agenda - this is justice and equality - there should really be no agenda to set forth to achieve equality.  Sadly our justice and equality is not granted but earned.  Well done NY.  I think this achievement will be a strong wave to push our country toward marriage equality.  Also - let's refrain from using gay marriage, because marriage is marriage, we don't say straight marriage so we should not segregate ourselves from the crowd.

Come on home state California - let's get thing ball going already!

Image source: 

Take a Bow - As sung by Madonna?

Several report that President Obama displayed weakness by bowing to Japan's Emperor, Akihito. And in return, it tarnishes Japan's image by conveying weakness in Japan's terms.







People just read into things WAY too much. I mean, it could be worse - if the bow involved this type of action, then chatter is more justifiable:

Snatch that Wig

Poor Home Girl.

Is this equivalent as when Kanye West ruined Taylor Swift's moment at MTV's VMA Awards? I mean, Home Girl was stripped of her crown, and wig! Look for the girl ready to attack with the heels on the right side:

Sun & Sea

If you are residing in California, did notice how hot it was today? The temperature recorded up to 83F. Due to the surprise heat, I cannot tell if we are looping back to summer or heading toward winter. Should I put on my peacoat or bust out my white speedo? I really can't decide. How many days has it rained this year alone? I figured not very much. The sad thing is... I think I have seen far more cocks compared to raindrops this year. Does that make me slut? No, it does not. The weather should rain more. Maybe I will do a rain dance tomorrow with jazz hands and gayish kicks in hope for rain to spread across the land. Wow, I sure sound like a goddess holding on to mighty power, and by power - I am referring to the disco stick.

Back to the important issue, I think we are heading toward global warming. (Don't roll your eyes at me) A few years ago, I could care less about global warming. I mean the idea of earth heating up was quite silly. I just thought we had an extended summer. And I was way too busy catching up with Samantha's sex life in Sex in the City and anxiously waiting for the day that Justin and Bryan be together as one to care about "environmental issues". Overtime, I reduced my gayness intakes and started learning about my surroundings. In reality, I don't really mind the ice melting. In my ideal world, we would all be mermaids and mermans swimming in the sea singing songs with lobsters and sea horses. I wonder how it would feel like to have sex under water. How would one produce semen under sea? Would that be considered as water pollution? Worthy PH.D research questions.

Moving on...

Word of the day: orgiastic - meaning sexually aroused, displaying excessive interest in sex.

Sample Sentence: As Ariel learned to walk, she developed an orgiastic sensation as she approached her companion's bed.