Classy Wear No.1

Ladies and gays, please take notes.

If you want to look classy, just look at Tila Tequila's outfit then take three tequila shots before you assemble this hot ready to wear outfit.  This trendy wear is very popular for sleazy club grand openings, S&M parties, Cosmetology graduation ceremony, and a date with high profile investors in midtown New York.

What you will need:

-  1 black belt from Banana Republic, or GAP if you want the low end fashion

-  A flock of black feathers from your local flea market, organic chicken feathers will also work for those animals lovers

-  Lace leggings 

-  Black garbage kind (glossy finish please)

-  High Heels from Payless Shoes

Putting it together: 

1)  Wrap the belt around your chest, make sure you cover your nipples because you are classy like that.  Those of you who have a bigger chest (lucky you) will need a larger and longer belt.

2)  Using the hot glue gun, glue down the black feathers, fan the feathers first and use your bathroom potpourri spray to deodorize unpleasant smells.

3)  Glue down the feathers in the pattern of a fan, with the bigger feathers on top - Again hot glue gun works best, Elmer glue or a glue stick will not work.

4)  Cut out a rhombus shape (or diamond if you don't know what the fuck a rhombus is) - this will be your granny diaper panties.  Make sure the glossy finish is on the outside so the light can reflect off your crotch.  We picked trash bags over foil because when getting low on the dance floor, trash bags will not tear and give you an added smooth comfort that will not rub against your crotch.  For the picky and sensitive crotches, you may wear your normal underwear under the black panties - just know that you will not get hit on for the entire night and will go home with sad and wilted feathers.  

6)  Finish up with black laces legging, you don't want to show too much skin

7)  Put on your favorite heels and you are ready for a night out on the town.

Have fun and always stay forever classy.

xoxo,

Tomee

I do heart New York!

Congratulations to New York  for passing marriage equality.  An amazing achievement and most certainly worthy of a celebration with shiny bells and whistles.  The marriage equality act passed with the tally votes 33 - 29.  I wonder who the 29 party pooper and buzz killer were!!!

I have said this before, this is not about religion, this is not about ego, or an agenda - this is justice and equality - there should really be no agenda to set forth to achieve equality.  Sadly our justice and equality is not granted but earned.  Well done NY.  I think this achievement will be a strong wave to push our country toward marriage equality.  Also - let's refrain from using gay marriage, because marriage is marriage, we don't say straight marriage so we should not segregate ourselves from the crowd.

Come on home state California - let's get thing ball going already!

Image source: 

Sowwie? Do you buy it?

If you missed the news recently, let me provide a short recap.  Comedian, Tracy Morgan, pulled anti-gay jokes at his show in Nashville, Tenn on June 3, 2011.  Morgan mentioned that if his son is gay or does not talk like a man, as if Morgan speaks like a man (questionable statement here), then he would stab his son to death.  According to Morgan at that time, it was just a funny haha joke that led to a world tour of I am sorry.  Do you really buy it?

This brings me back to a valuable lesson that Thumper's father taught him in the movie Bambi.  I have provided the source for you below:

Perhaps Morgan missed this lesson from his father.  The concept of being nice seems quite a challenge, I am still upset at his hateful remark... can you forgive and really forget?  Or can you forget and really forgive?

These two in the wild ...

So sexy Jake will join the sexy Bear in a nature rendezvous.  The adventurous Jake mentioned that nature is all about "discovery" which led him to partake in this outing.  The only thing I want to discover is seeing these two strip down and wrestle in nature followed by some ass fucking.  Am I wrong to assume this?  I honestly don't know who will presume the coveted bottom position.  This one is a close call, I really can't decide.  If Jake had the same look as October Sky, then he would definitely be the bottom - but with that rugged carpet on his face - I really don't know and it is too late for me to analyze.  I just want these two to do it like they do it on the discovery channel (thank you to the Offsprings for such meaningful lyrics.) 


While Jake wants to discover nature offering, sexy Bear said something about nature being revealing:

The wild is always very revealing - not only physically but mentally. You’ve got to smile when it’s driving horizontal hail and be able to face your fears and just get on and do it - and on both of those accounts, Jake came up strong

I want nature to reveal the naked bodies of these two by forcing strong pressure winds that will cause them to lose their physical and mental state.  "You've got to smile" is exactly I will do while wetting my panties.  And Jake came up strong?  Does that mean that he is still hard after some fucking?  Bear needs to be specific because I have so many questions.


With that said, I will watch this episode and just picture these two forking and spooning each other away.

Got Gas? Easy Ways to Thwart Digestive Problems

On USA Weekend today, there was a short section on various home remedies to relieve your digestive distress. Allow me to share these strategies with you in case you have these problems but secretly deny having them. I mean, we all have released one or a dozen silent fart balls in public, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not. With these strategies, you can prevent from a loss of public image. I will share the "scientific" home remedies as well as the homegirl remedies to provide you with an abundant selection to choose from.

Got Gas?

Home Remedy: Eat a teaspoon of olive oil on an empty stomach each morning to prevent gas.

Homegirl Remedy: Eat oil? In the morning? Well for some people, applying on their make-up is their main concern. While others need to wash off the left over jizz on their hair, my strategy for getting rid of gas is to take 5 tissue papers, fold them in half, spray 3 squirts of Febreeze, and insert them in between your ass. This way, you can mask the smell and sound while still having the liberty to fart all day long. Out of tissues? Toilet papers, handkerchief, or a new sponge works great as well.

Ate Something Bad? Stomachache?

Home Remedy: Get ready for this one. Mix a teaspoon of baking soda with 4 ounces of warm water, then drink it.

Homegirl Remedy: Baking soda? Measuring water? This all sound too much like a science fair experiment. An easy ancient Asian method of relieving stomachache is by stepping on someone back. Simply lay flat down and have a heavier person than you step on your back. They should start from the top near your neck and move down right above your ass. You don't want someone too heavy for this remedy, so ask a hot coworker or put a craigslist ad if you have time to spare. This will relieve your stomach pain and hey if you like feet, it can also turn into an erotic and pleasurable session.

Not Happy with your Bloating?

Home Remedy: Squeeze the juice of half a lemon into a cup of hot water and enjoy.

Homegirl Remedy: This technique is fairly simple; however it lacks the fun. For the HG remedy, find a reliable friend with a clean mouth. Squeeze lemon juice into their mouth, have them gargle it (to make it warm), then ask him/her to spit the juice in your mouth. To thank your friend, get out your favorite lube, lay on your back with your legs up in the air to declare your ready position for anal sex. This will definitely relieve all your bloating problems.

CCCCCCoooonnnnstttipppatttion?

Home Remedy: Drink 2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar twice a day with 8 ounce glass of water.

Homegirl Remedy: Apple cider vinegar? Hello I am saving that for Thanksgiving. Buy a load of spinach and eat them for the entire day (spinach sandwich, spinach shake, spinach salad, spinach creme brulee, etc...). You need the fiber intakes to breakdown the constipation sensation. If you absolutely hate spinach, try broccoli, swiss chard, or green peas. If you hate all of these options, just have anal sex until you want to throw up... maybe you can release the unwanted food from your mouth.

Take a Bow - As sung by Madonna?

Several report that President Obama displayed weakness by bowing to Japan's Emperor, Akihito. And in return, it tarnishes Japan's image by conveying weakness in Japan's terms.







People just read into things WAY too much. I mean, it could be worse - if the bow involved this type of action, then chatter is more justifiable:

Snatch that Wig

Poor Home Girl.

Is this equivalent as when Kanye West ruined Taylor Swift's moment at MTV's VMA Awards? I mean, Home Girl was stripped of her crown, and wig! Look for the girl ready to attack with the heels on the right side: